It is a great mistake to identify enjoyment with mere amusement or relaxing or being entertained. Life’s greatest joys are not what one does apart from the work of one’s life, but with the work of one’s life. Those who have missed the joy of work, of a job well done, have missed something very important. This applies to our children, too.
—William J. Bennett, The Book of Virtues
Perhaps when one finds herself emptied from all of the ways she has been poured into others during a day, or a week, the most important thing is how to be filled again. Our vocational work as women expenses every resource we have: our physical bodies, emotional capacities, spiritual wisdom, intellectual aptitudes, relational patience and generosity, and yes, even our pocketbooks. But let us not mistake the fatigue, emptiness, or difficulty of our work as a sign of doing something wrong, but instead to rightly perceive them as an indicator that we are working hard at something good. One prayer I whisper when I catch myself grumbling in heart or feeling overwrought by the tasks that lie before me: God, thank you for this work. Thank you for this gift. Thank you for these people. It takes less than a minute, and with my eyes closed, I listen more closely to the words and align my heart with them. My work (and yours) is a gift, a fruitful blessing, even when we can’t see it as such in the moment. Sometimes thanksgiving is itself an act of faith, an opportunity to direct our thinking toward what is true, especially when our feelings tell us otherwise.
Of course, we must also be honest with ourselves and acknowledge when we are worn thin in our days or when we are struggling. We are human, too. Finding joy in the people and work given to us does not mean that we must become doormats or ignore our own needs. The humanizing rhythms and routines of our lives ought to be so for ourselves as well as our children. We are each still growing to be more like Christ. So why am I surprised that the work given to me by God would cause me to depend on him to accomplish it? Why do I struggle when my children encounter the same? Sometimes the magnitude of our work at home feels like feeding the multitudes with only 5 loaves and two fish. We are so aware of our own limitations and capacities, that we might call it impossible before we have even begun. We need the help and encouragement from God and those around us to help adjust what is needed, whether an attitude in our heart or a pragmatic aspect of our day. Our children need the same from us. Just as Christ multiplied the fish and bread to the astonishment of all, so he multiplies our efforts and capacities in our homes. The latter is no less miraculous.
Yet it seems a great deal more common and confusing that we as women hear prolific messages of our entitlements—the expectation of a fruitful life coupled with speed and ease. In one of my favorite books, The Supper of the Lamb, Robert Farrar Capon writes, “The world is engaged in a vast missionary effort (spearheaded by Madison Avenue Fathers) to convince us that it is our gastronomic destiny to eat like kings while practicing nothing but the most minimal kind of cooking.” What he notes about our meals extends to all of life—we tend to expect to live robustly, with all the goodness enjoyed in feasting, but with minimal effort toward creating the feast. We long to have children who work with joy and diligence in their daily efforts, but how are we creating that atmosphere for them to glean from as they experience us relating to our own work? Culturally, we have become short-sighted and soft. We liken amusement and short gains with the good, just as we cringe with the thought of Monday. We crave the four-hour work week and passive income, but is this to give ourselves to a different, deeper kind of work or to a life of idleness?
How do we cultivate a joy of work in our hearts and homes? How are we filled in moments or seasons when we feels constantly expended? In the month of September, I will be sharing different aspects of how we relate to our work, how we stir up wonder and delight in our homes, and even how cultivating diligence and joy in our children when they were young has taken a new form in their independent, young adult years.
In the meantime, here are a few quick, seemingly small ways that we stir one another in good work. Sometimes
I high-five my children. We did it! You worked so hard at that project—good job!
We literally cheer. Alright! The house is clean; doesn’t it feel good?
We express gratitude and need of one another other. Thank you for taking care of my dishes so I could finish this paper.
I simply say what is true aloud: I’m so glad to be your mother. I’m so thankful to do this [hard thing] with you.
This list is not finite because they are small moments that may happen several times in a day. As you consider your own style and manner of celebrating good work, may you be refilled in your rest this weekend and refreshed in your vision of the good.
Also Happening This Month
September Homeschool Consultations are Open | For those interested in 1:1 conversation and support around your homeschooling, I would love to meet with you. Paid subscribers receive 40% off consultations. I have three spots left this month. You can message me for details or learn more here.
Wild and Free Symposium | I will be speaking at the Wild and Free Symposium in Franklin, TN, on September 20. If you are planning to be there (or at the conference), please let me know. I would love to connect with you there.
Not Young Podcast | I’ll be on the Not Young podcast next week, talking with Chelsea about caring for ourselves as we care for our homes as mothers and homeschoolers. She’s such a fun person and is opening up plenty of good conversations around perimenopause and womanhood in the middle of life.
Other Things
I recently made these kabobs and they were delightful!
I’m currently reading:
War and Peace, a slow read with Footnotes and Tangents
The Abolition of Man (re-read), a slow read with Autumn at Commonplace Homeschool
Robinson’s Gilead series (now in Home)
Take care this week,
I read this on my Sabbath between two weeks that feel un-possible with the sheer number of things and people, even places, I'm assigned to progress. (Many nouns with many needs!) It is a blessed work. And I appreciate your note about needing God to address a God-given job. He never calls us to self-actualized success. He calls us to victory through humility and confession and dependency. This is a great reminder. Looking forward to your September series.
Thank you.🥹